You’d think the railway fairy might be a kind-hearted lady with common sense. But neither applies. She’s more like the aforementioned groundhog. Highly unpredictable in her behavior.

This afternoon I was stuck in a very interesting meeting that I couldn’t tear myself away from until quite late. I basically jumped into a free taxi at the last possible minute.

“To the station. Fast. If you make it by 5:20, you get a two-euro tip.” The driver’s eyes lit up. Briefly. Probably until he realized that my tip would not, in fact, allow him to retire early. “Rush hour,” he said, shaking his head.

Naturally, we arrived at the station at 5:25. No tip, then. Not that I didn’t find it slightly odd that I had to lift my suitcase out of the trunk myself. I had always assumed that was part of the service and included in the price. Out of what I admit were personal revenge motives, I left the trunk lid open. So he did have to get out after all.

This is where my friend, the railway fairy, enters the story. I suspect she’s somehow related to that taxi driver, because the moment I stepped onto the platform, I knew: this was going to be a very long night.

White text on blue announced: “5 min delay.” Thank God, I thought. Plenty of time to locate the correct stopping position of my carriage. Loyal readers already know the number by heart. Correct. Carriage 38. Supposedly at the very front of the train. Section A, according to the display. Off I went.

As I passed the second information board, my subconscious sent a warning signal. Something about the sign was… different.

…the delay had changed to 15 minutes.

When I finally reached Section A, I noticed that the carriage indicator on the back of the sign didn’t match the one on the front. In Section A, my carriage was apparently stopping in Section F.

That happens, I told myself. Probably something stuck. The fairy’s involvement became more obvious when I checked the delay again. We were now at 20 minutes. I was just about to properly complain with my fellow passengers when, with a mocking clatter, the display jumped to “approx. 30 minutes.” Alright, I thought. Say nothing. Otherwise, you’ll never get home.

Finally, after about 40 minutes, the friendly voice over the loudspeaker announced that the train would now be arriving. Relieved that I hadn’t provoked the fairy further, I prepared to board the now legendary Carriage 38 when the conductor cheerfully informed us that this section of the train would only be running as far as Cologne due to technical issues, and that we should please move to the front section.

Hmm. Dear railway fairy, we know this game from last week.

So off to Section C, where, according to the staff, the remaining First Class carriages were located. Well. What can I say. For various reasons, the second train section was, of course, once again running in reverse carriage order. Trains are long. Very long. And once again, as a rather generously built conductor rushed past us, we were asked to hurry up, no wonder the train was delayed.

Only the fear of the fairy’s revenge kept me from throwing the woman between the two train sections.

About a hundred of us arrived out of breath at Carriage 28, which I now know is the counterpart to Carriage 38. There we encountered a most amusing fellow, who turned out to be not only a drunken conductor but also a great philosopher. About 20 minutes later, shortly before Cologne, he observed that First Class was rather full today. And that it would get even worse once the other train section was detached in Cologne.

He also asked for our understanding, as unfortunately he couldn’t make any decisions himself. Those came from the very top. (Which only reinforced my theory of the all-powerful fairy.)

Upon arriving in Cologne, I decided to outsmart the railway fairy. She assumed I’d be in Carriage 28 of ICE 613. But I planned to change trains and take ICE 603 from Cologne to Karlsruhe, slipping neatly under her radar.

Nice try.

She was already there.

I believe she materialized in the form of a vodka- and garlic-scented Russian Orthodox priest in a black robe, who boldly sat down right next to me. I am absolutely certain it was her in person.

And I swear she was grinning.